7 Signs of a Narcissistic Mother

Narcissism is a characteristic that’s present in all of us to varying degrees. When we have an excess amount of narcissism, it can lead to narcissistic personality disorder or other negative outcomes. In some cases, those with high levels of narcissism may not be able to function properly in society due to their self-centered worldview and inability to see things from another person’s perspective. But just because someone is a narcissist doesn’t mean they will be a bad mother. Even so, there are certain red flags you should look out for if you suspect your mother has narcissistic personality traits. If she exhibits these signs, you may want to adjust your expectations of her as your child’s primary caretaker and cut contact as much as possible until she has sought help for her condition.

You feel like an object instead of a person.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I the child or the narcissist’s mother?” then you may be dealing with a narcissist who is taking advantage of her position as your parent. If your mother disinvests in your emotional needs, you feel like you’re more of a possession than a legitimate family member, or the memories you have of her are more about her than they are about your shared experiences, then this is a red flag. If you have to remind yourself constantly that she gave birth to you and that you have a unique relationship with her, then this is a sign of narcissism.

You’re constantly criticized by your mother.

Narcissistic mothers often criticize and demean their children, and they sometimes criticize other family members, too. They may pick at your choices or judge your decisions and tell you that you’re wrong even when you’ve done nothing wrong. You may find yourself biting your tongue a lot to avoid an argument or having to excuse yourself from the room because you can’t tolerate the way she talks to you. You may also notice that she’s especially critical or controlling when you or your child is sick. These are all signs of a narcissist who can’t let go of her need to be in charge, even in a situation that would normally call for compassion and understanding.

Your mother tries to verbally or emotionally manipulate you.

Manipulation happens in all types of relationships, but narcissists are particularly prone to use it. In some cases, narcissists don’t even realize that they’re trying to manipulate you because it’s just a part of their personality. If you’re a person who has tried to say “no” to your mother in the past and been guilt-tripped into accommodating her, then you may be dealing with an emotionally manipulative narcissist. If she regularly co-opts your emotions to get you to agree with her or do what she wants, then she has a high level of narcissism.

She has no empathy for you and doesn’t care about how she affects you.

A narcissist is preoccupied with her own thoughts and feelings and often has little regard for yours. If you’ve ever been shushed by your mother or been the victim of some other kind of rude interruption, then you may be dealing with a narcissist. Heard any monstrously insensitive comments about your illness or misfortune lately? If so, then your mother lacks empathy for you. And if she’s been resentful of having to drive to pick up your child from daycare or make health appointments for you, then she’s definitely a narcissist.

She demands constant attention from you and constantly hogs the spotlight.

Parents who are narcissists love to be the center of attention, and they often try to make their children the center of attention when they’re young. If you’ve ever been the center of attention at the expense of your child or you’ve ever been ignored when your child was around, then you may be dealing with a narcissist. Narcissistic parents often try to draw attention to themselves by negatively comparing their children to themselves, making excessive demands on their children, interrupting them, and talking over them. They also try to draw attention to themselves by making a spectacle of themselves on social media and always talking about themselves.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, you can’t change your mother. You can learn to cope with her narcissism and minimize your exposure to it, but ultimately you can’t change her. All you have control over is how you respond to her behaviour and how you treat yourself. If you suspect that your mother is a narcissist, then you may want to limit your exposure to her and set healthy boundaries with her. You may also want to seek out a support group and/or a therapist and put effort into improving your own self-care. Because narcissism is a mental health disorder, it can be treated. And if your mother gets the help she needs, she may be able to better handle her narcissism and care for you and your child in a more healthy and positive way.