6 Effects of Living with a Narcissistic Husband
Narcissistic personality disorder is an intense, long-lasting condition in which a person has an inflated sense of his own importance, a distorted view of the world, and an inability to see beyond his own needs. These characteristics can be especially challenging for someone who is married to a man with this disorder.
The challenges can be especially frustrating for non-narcissistic family members because individuals with NPD have little insight into their own behavior and are almost completely lacking in empathy. This lack of empathy leaves the non-narcissistic spouse feeling unappreciated and taken for granted, leading to frustration and stress on the marriage. If you are living with an overtly narcissistic husband, there are some effects that you may experience as a result of it.
Discouragement and Hopelessness
If your husband has NPD, it can be incredibly discouraging to watch him refuse to acknowledge his own behavior. He may not look at his own mistakes, apologize for his actions, or even try to change his behavior, despite your requests for him to do so. If a narcissist’s behavior is causing his spouse to feel stress or anxiety (or anything other than pure joy), he won’t notice or care. It’s likely that you have tried to address this in your marriage, only to feel that you have been met with resistance. This can be incredibly discouraging and hopeless — especially if your husband is not open to talking about it with you.
Confusion and Fog
If you have tried to talk to your husband about his narcissistic tendencies, you may have noticed a sense of confusion or a lack of understanding on his part. Narcissists are notoriously unable to look at themselves critically and tend to be extremely defensive when their behavior is criticized by others. It’s common for narcissistic men to refuse to acknowledge their weaknesses or take ownership for their actions. It is possible that your husband might even tell you that you are too sensitive, quick to criticize others, or just need to “calm down” when you try to address your concerns with him. This inability to see his own faults can leave you feeling frustrated, confused, and “in the fog” in your relationship with him. You may feel that your concerns and feelings are being ignored, or you might feel as if you are walking on eggshells, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing around him.
Constant Struggle
If your husband has NPD, you may find that you spend most of your relationship in a constant struggle. This struggle can take many forms, including a constant feeling of being taken for granted, a sense of being overwhelmed by your husband’s needs, or a frustration with his inability to take your feelings into account. If your husband has NPD, he is likely to place a great deal of importance on his own needs — leaving you with the feeling that your needs don’t matter. You may notice a pattern in which your husband uses you to meet his own needs, but doesn’t return the favor. This can leave you feeling taken advantage of, angry, and frustrated.
Lack of Self-Esteem
One of the effects of living with a narcissist is that you may feel as if your self-esteem is constantly being challenged. Narcissists tend to be extremely critical of others, leaving their spouses feeling as if they are constantly “falling short.” If someone has NPD, they may assume that they are superior to you in every way, leaving you feeling inadequate and “less than.” Your husband may be incredibly critical of your actions and choices, leaving you feeling as if you are never good enough for him. You may feel as if you can’t do anything right in your husband’s eyes, and this can leave you feeling as if you don’t deserve better.
Anger and Irritation
Living with a narcissist can leave you feeling incredibly frustrated with your husband and his behavior. You may find that you are constantly irritated by your husband’s actions and feel as if he is never taking your feelings into account. As a result of this, it is normal to feel angry at times with your husband. You may even feel angry at yourself for staying in the relationship, or for “letting” him treat you the way that he does. If your husband is narcissistic, he is unlikely to be open to changing his behavior. He may refuse to acknowledge that he does anything wrong, leaving you with no way to address your frustrations. It is possible that you feel as if you have nowhere to direct your anger, increasing the intensity of it.
Vulnerability to Co-occurring Disorders
An individual with narcissistic tendencies may also be dealing with other mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, or a personality disorder. If you have been married to a narcissist, it is possible that he is also struggling with another disorder, such as an addiction, bipolar disorder, or another mental health condition. While narcissism itself is not a mental illness, it often goes hand-in-hand with other disorders. If your husband is dealing with a disorder in addition to NPD, it can be even more challenging to address his behavior in your relationship. If your husband has a co-occurring disorder, you may feel as if you are not only dealing with his narcissism, but also the impact of his other disorder(s). This can make your situation even more challenging and frustrating to navigate.
Conclusion
If your husband has narcissistic traits, you may feel as if you are in a constant struggle in your relationship. You may find that you spend most of your time feeling angry, frustrated, and hopeless. This can be incredibly exhausting and take a toll on your mental health. If your husband is narcissistic, there are some effects that you may experience as a result of it. You may feel as if you are in a constant struggle, have a decreased sense of self-worth, and be vulnerable to co-occurring disorders. It can be especially frustrating to live with a narcissist because they have very little insight into their own behavior and are almost completely lacking in empathy.
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